Why hello again. It’s me (no that’s not an intentional cue for Adele). It’s been a while since I’ve posted, because quite honestly, these past few months have been some of the most contemplative of my life. It’s been a struggle getting myself to write, and for a while, I lost my desire to. Each coming day started feeling longer after the next, and I stopped looking forward to what was ahead of me. I felt this overarching sense of yearning that I couldn’t put my finger on. There was a lingering dissatisfaction with everything happening around me. I started losing sight of what I wanted, and furthermore why I was here.
“Just breathe,” I would tell myself over and over, “everything is fine.” Sometimes I believe telling myself that makes it so. When things get unbearable, I like to count to 10 over and over like Kimmy Schmidt told me to, because that’s just good sense. But I soon found that I was counting nonstop, and that wasn’t okay.
It’s in these moments we have to find within ourselves the ability to stop. Take a step back, and look at your life as a bigger picture. Open up your eyes to the world around you, and allow yourself to understand what you feel, and then why.
Being a flight attendant has completely changed my world. I came from constant plans, work, classes, being surrounded by friends and family… and moved across the country to a new life. This is the first time I’ve truly made a transition, and it’s been a terrifying adventure.
I started giving myself a reality check. Okay Kate, do you want to be where you are? If you don’t like it, stop pouting and go change it. It’s really that simple. Why spend any of your time working toward something you don’t want?
I looked around myself. Scanning this past year where I came from, where I am, and where I want to go… I am so grateful that the ambitions I’ve had for what seems like forever came to fruition this year. So why the complacency still? Soon, I began to recognize that my pain was stemming from a yearn to be closer to my end goals, even though I recognize I’m much closer than when I started. I’m extremely happy with the path I’ve begun, as different as it may be. However, all the changes started distracting me from the priority I have in getting where I’m going.
I lost sight of the fact that my life has purpose. The hustle and bustle of unachieved goals and God’s unrevealed plans took captive my thoughts. When you feel defeated, you find that you become just that. It’s in the way you dress, act and especially feel. I felt lost without direction. No one should silently shuffle through life and allow themselves to be unhappy. I knew something had to be adjusted.
It’s so important to recognize that you have something unique and wonderful to offer this world, and no one can take that from you but yourself. So often we linger in despondency, but that dissatisfaction you feel isn’t your weakness, it’s your fire. Gain control of it, and instead of letting it burn you, go out and blaze a trail ahead. It’s your guiding light, and there because it’s just what you need.
My personal struggle has been stemmed out of my transition, and uncertainty. However, I am learning to love this time in my life and the opportunities it’s presented me. Every day I’m being challenged to be better, and growing in areas I never have before.
First and foremost, I’m learning the tedious art of patience. Patience with my current situation, other people, and developing a since of calm that overcomes any circumstance. As you can imagine with constant travel, along with employing the use of public transportation almost exclusively, I have more time than ever to lose my cool. It’s not easy (at all), but I know in those situations that if I want to continue positively with my day, tapping my foot and being annoyed isn’t the answer.
I truly have to make peace with the situation I’m placed in. Without a doubt, there is a reason why that bus is running late, or my paycheck isn’t sufficient. If you start opening your eyes to the purpose behind why things aren’t going the way you planned, you find just that. Purpose. Everything is happening exactly on time and exactly the way it’s supposed to. Your life can’t be measured better than that.
The other HUGE pill I’m having to swallow lately, is learning how to be alone. Don’t get me wrong, part of me has fallen in love with wandering by myself, especially in new places. I could be anywhere from Manhattan Beach to Belgium’s Grand Place (or currently a hotel room in Tampa), and my thoughts alone are what keeps me company. I love to absorb my surroundings, and just take in the moment I’m in. It’s liberating, and being alone is my best gateway to finding out what I’m made of.
Of course I get lonely. More often than ever before in my life. But I know I have been brought this place because right now, I need to be on my own to grow in the ways I’m meant to. If I believe in anything, it’s that everything happens for a reason. Hope lies within that belief, and provides continual restoration from the toll life can take on you. Every day, there is no coincidence to the the tasks that lie ahead of me. I’m learning to seek the truth behind the things happening around me, and not take any blessings (or challenges for that matter) for granted.
“Like wildflowers, you must allow ourselves to grow in all the places people thought you never would.” -E.V.
For me and many others, this is the time to start looking at our lives in a new light. Where are you, but more importantly, where do you want to go? This is the time to question ourselves, chase our passions and love completely the road we are traveling. It’s the time to be poor and eat easy mac for dinner, but also to go out and experience the magic that lies in the world around us. We are so lucky today to have the ability to follow our dreams, and I don’t intend on wasting that one bit. I would rather be climbing than comfortable.
This year, I feel a renewed sense of purpose. My resolution is to become a better (and hopefully more famous) version of myself each day. It’s time to be grateful to be alive each morning, and take full advantage of the life I’ve been given. This year I will be ambitious, steadfast in following my heart and becoming the person I want to be. Tomorrow, I may be anywhere from a baby step to giant leaps ahead, but there will be no doubt that I will have moved forward.
Let’s bloom where we’re planted.